A Guide to Speak Romance Like Gen Z: Fifty-One Ultra-Specific Phrases for Romance, Sex and Questionable Conduct

This year marks a ten-year milestone since the word “vanishing” entered the public consciousness. Initially, the concept that someone could instantly end communication with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the height of indignity. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, seeking a mate has only become more confounding – an commonly fruitless pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly defined by online lingo.

Generation Z, a generation who matured during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated challenge on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their millennial elders could ever envision. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the limits of your mental fortitude.

Below is a comprehensive glossary to the words Zoomers is using to navigate romance, sex and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

The Letter A

Authenticity – In the view of gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your true, raw self. You'll need it with that!

B

Avian theory – A social media test loosely based on a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your date's reply is inquisitive or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This signifies seeking out someone who aids you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A date where two people bond while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do affordable dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, venting all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 80s young urban professional affluence, it describes couples who choose against having children to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of being guarded: practicing dialogue, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Red flags – Behavioral traits suggesting a prospective partner is not right. Such as calling their exes unstable, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits validate your decision to pursue a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, largely harmless quirks. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who loathes the same things or people that you do (nothing builds closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The rare partner who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and frequently trivial turnoffs that instantly extinguish any sense of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an extremely sweet display.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {