Those Advice shared by My Parent Which Rescued Me when I became a New Parent

"I think I was merely just surviving for twelve months."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

However the actual experience soon became "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her chief support as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he burnt out. It was a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get assistance. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now more accustomed to addressing the strain on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a broader inability to communicate between men, who often absorb harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a display of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a mother and child - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the space to ask for a pause - spending a couple of days overseas, separate from the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to better grasp the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without reliable male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "bad decisions" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as a way out from the hurt.

"You turn to things that don't help," he explains. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, tell a friend, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, socialising or gaming.
• Look after the physical stuff - eating well, staying active and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their stories, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that seeking help is not failure - prioritising yourself is the best way you can support your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the stability and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their struggles, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, at times I believe my role is to teach and advise you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are in this journey."